Are bosses really that DUMB
Cliched and probably exaggerated office conversation
A (any bored employee in a reasonably good company) : Hey...how are you?
B( An equally bored employee but double more hassled than A...Looks like hes been asked to work on a presentation that could easily be the biggest fraud perpetuated on the intelligence of the human mind...eyes groggy...hair unkempt...just about to drop dead...Looking up): Who me?? Er....What day is it today?
A: Oh man...look at you..you look like you just got out of your bed.
B (Looking curious): I havent really gotten out...I wish there was something in this world where they'd pay you to sleep all day long.
A (Asks the proverbial question he should have asked long back): What happened?
B (Thinking to himself...cant people understand the DAMN system here): Working on a presentation that has all kinds of fancy charts and figures, that basically shows nothing but the revenues our team made...
A: Hmm...looks like crap eh?
B: Well, we made $10 million last quarter, and now this has been represented in 10 different ways, using 40 different color combinations , in a power point presentation.
A: Huh?
B: Thats not all...C (B's manager) didnt like a couple of colors on the charts, so he said the charts were wrong!!. I redid the colors, and he said "Oh yeah, thats allright, but are you sure the board members will be allright with the jazzy slide layout". I had used the same slide layout for all the slides, so I changed them to something less 'jazzy'. By the time all other 'nuances' could be taken care of I was almost half dead. The next thing I know is I wanted to bomb Microsoft and speicifically Gates for introducing Power Point. I cant believe these board members actually make us waste so much time on a presentation that could be done as class assignment for a seventh grade student and still manage to find stuff not upto the mark? These meetings are anyway a good way of wasting company time doing something that can be obtained with a phone call or an e-mail. I actually spent 4 full days and 5 hours trying to show that last quarter we made 8 million, this quarter we made 10 million, so thats two million more. WHOA...!!God hail NEWTON..!!!.. We need to goto the amazon for a party with the anacondas!!!
This makes me wonder whether the Dilbert comic is a real life tale of a deprived boss. I mean deprived of the top floor.
My boss, all day long does what he is really good at-- Nothing !!. So when he is bored of doing 'nothing' , which means his brains have lost the last few cells, that were active, he sets out to get an update around the 'progress' the team has made. Actually the team could do without these 'updates'. Lesser hassles for both of us. He walks upto one of the new team members, shows up right behind his chair and says "Whats up?". The poor kid not knowing where the voice came from, desperate to impress the boss, freezes in his seat and begins to nervously rattle off a list of things thats been done. Boss couldnt seem to care less for the kid's enthusiasm. A totally disinterested look with a wry smile on his I'm-the boss-here kinda face and suddenly interrupts the kid and says "When you get your contacts do you use this particular tool". Kid's already shedding loads, its not yet showing on the ground, but one more statement we might have to call the Janitor. Kid, with a genuinely clueless expression says "Er...I am sorry...whats that?". Boss's face suddenly turns from a wry smile to a kid-you-better-learn-fast kinda look. He shoots off his unwanted mouth explaining to the kid to use a computer tool (lesser said abt this particular tool the better.) and how it is so useful and all that jazz. Poor kid's listening with enthusiasm. I happen to sit next to the kid, and even though I didnt want to be a part of this conversation I had to pretend as if boss had just dropped down from his heavenly abode to guide us lesser mortals , and listen to this mumbo-jumbo ( the apocalyptic afternoon siesta is much better). Of course, at the same time boss was looking at me and implying "#$%&*...you sit next to him and you havent taught him yet." The lesser said about this man the better. Whatever happened to common sense?. Kid meanwhile is all gung-ho about the new tool he didnt know existed and is all set to work on it turns to me and says "So is this really that good". I was like "Look dude, i dont wanna spoil your image of him, the last time sense poured out of his mouth was probably when Halley's comet last came. The best thing would be to treat this as a good break and try to move on and get back to working the way you were, coz if you ever followed what he had said (which of course he conveniently never followed) then you would definitely turn violent and psychotic. I think you are a wise man and you would chose the best. Decide". Boss bitching anyone?
A (any bored employee in a reasonably good company) : Hey...how are you?
B( An equally bored employee but double more hassled than A...Looks like hes been asked to work on a presentation that could easily be the biggest fraud perpetuated on the intelligence of the human mind...eyes groggy...hair unkempt...just about to drop dead...Looking up): Who me?? Er....What day is it today?
A: Oh man...look at you..you look like you just got out of your bed.
B (Looking curious): I havent really gotten out...I wish there was something in this world where they'd pay you to sleep all day long.
A (Asks the proverbial question he should have asked long back): What happened?
B (Thinking to himself...cant people understand the DAMN system here): Working on a presentation that has all kinds of fancy charts and figures, that basically shows nothing but the revenues our team made...
A: Hmm...looks like crap eh?
B: Well, we made $10 million last quarter, and now this has been represented in 10 different ways, using 40 different color combinations , in a power point presentation.
A: Huh?
B: Thats not all...C (B's manager) didnt like a couple of colors on the charts, so he said the charts were wrong!!. I redid the colors, and he said "Oh yeah, thats allright, but are you sure the board members will be allright with the jazzy slide layout". I had used the same slide layout for all the slides, so I changed them to something less 'jazzy'. By the time all other 'nuances' could be taken care of I was almost half dead. The next thing I know is I wanted to bomb Microsoft and speicifically Gates for introducing Power Point. I cant believe these board members actually make us waste so much time on a presentation that could be done as class assignment for a seventh grade student and still manage to find stuff not upto the mark? These meetings are anyway a good way of wasting company time doing something that can be obtained with a phone call or an e-mail. I actually spent 4 full days and 5 hours trying to show that last quarter we made 8 million, this quarter we made 10 million, so thats two million more. WHOA...!!God hail NEWTON..!!!.. We need to goto the amazon for a party with the anacondas!!!
This makes me wonder whether the Dilbert comic is a real life tale of a deprived boss. I mean deprived of the top floor.
My boss, all day long does what he is really good at-- Nothing !!. So when he is bored of doing 'nothing' , which means his brains have lost the last few cells, that were active, he sets out to get an update around the 'progress' the team has made. Actually the team could do without these 'updates'. Lesser hassles for both of us. He walks upto one of the new team members, shows up right behind his chair and says "Whats up?". The poor kid not knowing where the voice came from, desperate to impress the boss, freezes in his seat and begins to nervously rattle off a list of things thats been done. Boss couldnt seem to care less for the kid's enthusiasm. A totally disinterested look with a wry smile on his I'm-the boss-here kinda face and suddenly interrupts the kid and says "When you get your contacts do you use this particular tool". Kid's already shedding loads, its not yet showing on the ground, but one more statement we might have to call the Janitor. Kid, with a genuinely clueless expression says "Er...I am sorry...whats that?". Boss's face suddenly turns from a wry smile to a kid-you-better-learn-fast kinda look. He shoots off his unwanted mouth explaining to the kid to use a computer tool (lesser said abt this particular tool the better.) and how it is so useful and all that jazz. Poor kid's listening with enthusiasm. I happen to sit next to the kid, and even though I didnt want to be a part of this conversation I had to pretend as if boss had just dropped down from his heavenly abode to guide us lesser mortals , and listen to this mumbo-jumbo ( the apocalyptic afternoon siesta is much better). Of course, at the same time boss was looking at me and implying "#$%&*...you sit next to him and you havent taught him yet." The lesser said about this man the better. Whatever happened to common sense?. Kid meanwhile is all gung-ho about the new tool he didnt know existed and is all set to work on it turns to me and says "So is this really that good". I was like "Look dude, i dont wanna spoil your image of him, the last time sense poured out of his mouth was probably when Halley's comet last came. The best thing would be to treat this as a good break and try to move on and get back to working the way you were, coz if you ever followed what he had said (which of course he conveniently never followed) then you would definitely turn violent and psychotic. I think you are a wise man and you would chose the best. Decide". Boss bitching anyone?
posted by Rider on the Storm at
5:31 PM
1 Comments:
I have had a boss who wrote a funny take on bosses. Check out this link. Remember it is my ex-boss who wrote this one:
http://sharathu.blogspot.com/search/label/Office;)
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