Delhi Belly, Mango People and Mango Language

The last couple of months has seen the release of two movies as different as chalk and cheese in two distinctly different languages. Strangely enough, they have many common threads running through them. Other than the facts that the content creators were debutants, they went on floors around roughly the same time or that they were stuck in the cans for extended periods of time before hitting the marquee (within a month of each other), their use of language has unintentionally catalysed a potential alteration in the creative dynamics of the universes they inhabit. While Kumarraja Thiagarajan (henceforth referred to as KT)’s awesomely crafted neo-noir ensemble Aaranya Kaandam could potentially justify the use of expletives, as the principal characters were all gangsters, the Akshat Verma-Abhinay Deo helmed Delhi Belly—an absurdly irreverent take on the life and times of three Delhi based flatmates bucks the trend of mainstream Hindi films by actually having the three protagonists (that includes up and coming popular star Imran Khan) use F, C, G words in their day to day banter. Just like any of us –the mango people. While Aaranya Kaandam deservedly rode to critical (and hopefully commercial) acclaim on its spectacular content (and not it’s liberal use of swear words), Delhi Belly has unfortunately attracted disproportionate (and sometimes harsh) attention in the media and the blogosphere alike on it’s use of what self-righteous stereotypes describe as “FOUL” language. Though Delhi Belly is certainly not the first mainstream Bollywood offering to use “street” language, it certainly is the first to have its Mango People protagonists use language that’s as common as a Jayalalitha cutout in Chennai these days.

On the face of it, Delhi Belly is no masterpiece. But what deserves special mention in Delhi Belly is LA based writer Akshat Verma’s skilful weaving of situational and physical comedy in a manner that’s entertaining to say the least. And that’s a sort of re-invention in Hindi cinema that saw this genre dying a slow death after classics such as Chashm-e-Buddoor or the mad Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron, Andaz Apna Apna. I am not for a moment putting Delhi Belly in the same league as the above hallowed movies, but the one thing that Delhi Belly shares with its yesteryear cousins is their central irreverent core. Right from the moment DK Bose went on air with lyrics such as “Daddy Mujhse Bola, Tu Galti Hain Meri, Saabun Ki Shakhal Mein Beta Tu To Nikla Keval Jhaag….Bhaag DK Bose” and with a plotline that has a box of diamonds getting mixed up with stool samples of one of the protagonists, it was clear that Verma and co were just being unaffectedly, unabashedly, absurdly irreverent. We saw streaks of occasional irreverence in another Varma’s Daud , but the staple diet of late has been the horridly un-funny UnEase Bust-Me’s chimp fart movies or the strictly painful Golmaal franchise that have also somehow become money spinners. In the wake of this, Delhi Belly certainly deserves plaudits for inducing genuine mirth. Watch how Vijay Raaz half-puzzled, half-expectantly looks at the stool sample spread out on a fine piece of cloth expecting to see diamonds or even the way farts are used in the plot device. Leaving aside the aesthetics, the way Verma puts it together here invokes laughter because of the situation as well and not the act itself. This is exactly that kind of film that falls into the category of paisa-vasool entertainment.

I am told Delhi Belly has been a fiscally super-successful venture for its investors (that includes Aamir Khan and UTV) and while that is great news for some, it’s a constant reminder that in order for something like Delhi Belly to have a pan-Indian appeal it has to have the backing of a superstar and a mammoth marketing budget. The success of Delhi Belly , particularly in the urban centers also points to a growing schism between two Indias—one that’s decidedly conservative, loves UnEase Bust-Me school of humor to the point of being self-righteous and another that’s looking at breaking the shackles of conformity. As the Baba Ramdev episode showed or the reactions to Raja Sen’s movie reviews on the Rediff Message Boards show that there is no sign of abatement in the hostilities between the two.

In the end, here’s a sincere hope that Delhi Belly is remembered for more than just it’s use of normal day to day language. To borrow from The Hindu's Sudhish Kamath, it's great news that mainstream Bollywood has finally come to the Frat Party.

Vaaranam Aayiram is Immensely Likeable Despite Being a ‘1000’ steps Short.

Some movies are meant to be just seen and experienced and not to be analyzed or debated in blogospheres, chattering rooms and TV channels. Gowtham Vasudev Menon’s Vaaranam Aayiram is one of those movies, despite its running length (3 hours!!!), and somewhat hackneyed script and screenplay manages to remain fresh in your memory, brings a smile to your face, tugs at your heart strings and shows us that a movie made straight from the heart can be a compelling watch. And of course, there’s one more reason—.Suriya.

Picture this: Suriya (Suriya) finishes his final year engineering exams and is about to leave the town where he spent some memorable years and made his closest friends. The friends hug for one final time , and reminisce and joke about their days together, even as the train is about to leave the platform. Our hero finally boards the train and as he gets on the footboard he shouts to his friends that he would definitely be back next semester to write one of the exams he thinks he is definitely going to tank in. The trials and tribulations of engineering college anyone? Flunked a semester exam? Didn’t feel like leaving college? All of those memories of college life come flooding back. It’s that thread of relatibility that runs through the movie and long after you’ve left the hall, you’ll still be thinking of moments such as these.

Suriya of course after boarding the train, experiences a destiny like no other, but most college- goers who’ve traveled second class in the Indian Railways (mostly from colleges back to their hometowns) , will relate to the fact that they’ve always looked for ‘interesting’ company (or some will even go as far as saying life partners) during those journeys. And what a companion she is, Meghana (Sameera Reddy), looking jaw droppingly gorgeous creates that pang in your heart that Suriya experiences. Even though the premise of meeting the love of your life on a train journey is fantastical, the way the scene is expertly filmed by Menon and his team makes it utterly believable. Suriya even sings a song and plays his guitar for Meghana near the door of the compartment and by that time, most of us would have been wishing we had been on that train.

Suriya is one of the pillars of the family of four nourished and built by his father-- Krishnan (played by Suriya again). Krishnan is like the perfect dad that’s only possible in fiction but then again like I said earlier, Messrs Menon pulls it off like only he can. Krishnan calls his son ‘kiddo’ , encourages him to follow his heart, does not beat him up or get intensely stereotypically emotional when he discovers that he is doing drugs, and most importantly showers unconditional love on him, inspite of everything. Krishnan is introduced as the merry, cigarette smoking, and handsome young man of the 70s, who sweeps a debonair Malini (Simran) off her feet and in the course of one memorable song ‘Mundiram Parthene’ eventually, gets married to her. This song is an absolute riot, recreates nostalgic memories of the Chennai of the 70s (including the painstakingly digitally recreated Spencer Plaza building back then) while it takes us through the life and times of the Krishnans. What is never explained is, what exactly does Krishnan do for a living? He is mostly just puffing his cigarettes, or drinking his glass of rum while giving advice to his dear son during his formative years. The Krishnans are shown to have financial problems like any other middle class family, but it’s almost peripheral, while they continue to lead normal lives. It’s almost as if they have financial issues, but heck who cares, we will continue to be the way we are. Also Krishnan and Malini have a younger daughter Shreya (the perfect sister again!), whose next door best friend, Priya (Divya Spandana) has a secret crush on Suriya ever since they were teenagers.

Sadly enough, Menon’s original premise of the movie being a tribute to the relationship between a father and son never quite comes off convincingly enough. It’s just too ideal and the depth of the relationship is never explored. It’s also quite why, you don’t empathize as much as you are supposed to, when Major Suriya on a mission to rescue a journalist kidnapped by militants is informed about his father’s death and recollects the monumental influence his father has had on his life. Those crucial moments that the screenplay spends on this relationship is not raw enough to create a lump in the throat, or bring that tear to the eye. One or two moments do tug at your heartstrings like the one where, Krishnan sees his son for the last time while he wishes him all the best for his mission or the scene where he discovers Suriya is doing drugs and he tries to wean him away from it, without getting utterly emotional, but by just being firm. These moments are just too few and far between and Menon in an attempt at mastering the art of under statement blows a very promising premise.


However, the screenplay and Menon score brilliantly depicting Suriya’s coming of age. Menon brings a mint-fresh approach to depicting romance—by being utterly realistic and believable and using the camera deftly to let silence do a lot of talking. Take the scene where Suriya sees Meghana for the first time in the train; the camera lingers on their faces for just about the perfect time to capture the essence of the scene. Like every love struck guy, Suriya tells Meghana after an idyllic guitar song sequence that he’s in love with her and she very coolly (despite being impressed) says she doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Menon then very gradually builds the chemistry between the two until it culminates in Meghana falling head over heels in love with Suriya. It’s such a genuine feeling that any girl will relate to. The intimate family scenes, feel like the audience is a part of the whole thing. Watch how Krishnan is shown breathing his last and the reactions of Malini and Shreya and you know that Menon is an absolute master of understatement. Also notable is the way Priya (Divya Spandana) is introduced in the story, the scenes of her as a 14 year old kid and girl next door, having a thing for her best friend’s brother and the eventual romance between her and Suriya. The scenes are so subtle yet so powerful that you wonder what the hell Menon was doing while writing the rest of the screenplay?


A R Rehman once famously declared that only Mani Ratnam seems to bring out the best in him and it won’t be long before Harris Jeyraj says that too of Menon. It’s almost as if H J reserves his soulful best for Menon. ‘Mundhinam Partene’ has the trappings of a cult number and it’s filming gives it enough fillip to become an all time chartbuster. The song picturized on Suriya’s and Meghana’s moments in the train—‘Nenjukkul Peididhum’ is another one that takes you along with it, as it flows along. The number with the guitar riffs ‘Adiyae Kolluthae’ is as foot tapping as it gets though not a rock song like Suriya tells his dad. “Annul Maelae Pani” is another soulful melody picturized on Suriya and Priya’s relationship and also deserves plaudits for it’s subdued yet intense vocals.

Simran takes an important step in her career with her role as Malini the mother and the wife. Watch her outburst at Krishnan’s smoking habits when the doctors tell her Krishnan does not have more than a year to live or watch her when she is clueless as to why Suriya raises his hand to strike his dad, and you see her growth as an actress over the years. Before the movie, people would have doubted her ability to pull it off, but they will agree after watching her that very few actors other than Simran would have been as convincing. Whether it comes to displaying vulnerability or intensity, Simran is at her outstanding best.

Divya Spandana as Priya the sober, practical girl next door and Suriya’s second love is the perfect choice for the role. There’s that growth in her character and she makes those subtle adjustments very well. Watch her while she professes her love for Suriya on a rainy evening under the roof of a bus stop while at the sametime declaring that she doesn’t expect any reaction from him –it’s so natural that you’re blown off.

Sameera Reddy takes the necessary strides forward in her acting career with this performance. She looks like a billion bucks, and plays her part perfectly at the sametime making most single men in the audience fall head over heels in love. Her smile, flashed in the perfect quantities at the right times also adds to the ‘oh I will die for her’ factor.

But if there’s any doubt as to whom this movie belongs to, then banish it. It’s Suriya all the way. He has undergone physical hardship like no other for this movie, and it shows. It’s very easy to say, that he gets under the skin of the character, but its one thing to get under the skin of the character and it’s another to look the character and play it like a natural. I (and many people) will surely wonder how in the world, he at 30 years, pull off looking and acting liked a 17 year old. Watch him when he fights with the local bully or as the drug addict—there’s just one word—Marvelous. As the older guy, (I hate to say it), he is not that convincing, but still puts in a lot of effort in preparing for the role and manages to give that respectability to Krishnan that any lesser actor would have failed to. As the six-packed Major however, Suriya draws the most wolf whistles and rightly so (I say it with a comfortable degree of heterosexuality). It’s truly his coming of age as an actor.

Last but not the least, Thank you Gowtham Vasudev Menon for making a movie that will be one of the most missed once it leaves the theaters. Thank you for paying attention to every little detail and thank you for baring your heart out, this may not be your best but it will still be one of the most important movies you have made.

Oh Ba Ma! We've Baracked Him into White House

In response to a question during the campaign debate on Iraq, Barack Obama asked "The Iraqi Government has a treasury surplus of 79 billion USD, why should America spend another 10 billion USD every month to maintain peace and security in the country, during tough times and when it is serving no real purpose? I would instead, put a timetable for withdrawals of our troops from Iraq and reposition them on the Afghanistan-Pakistan Border and go after Osama!". Barack, I have to reiterate, said it with such conviction and power, that Osama watching him on Television from his hideout , might have probably cared enough to give it a thought and think of possible escape routes.

It is this thinking that sets apart Barack from many other mainstream American politicians and it is where, his message for change resonates and connects with every right thinking American and world citizen. Here's a man, who really , well and truly cares about America and who's love for the country comes through not by war mongering speeches or a constant reminder to his citizens about the imaginary 'Axis of Evil' or 'Osama Bin Laden' ,but for his courage and conviction that America's safety lies in countering and smashing the real terrorists who are opposed to America, as opposed to the imaginary ones created everywhere else.

Most mainstream politicians in the United States of America and most of it's 43 Presidents (Democratic or Presidential, barring Clinton, Roosevelt, Carter and Lincoln) have had some connection to Big Business represented by the likes of Chevron Texaco, Monsanto, Pepsi etc and all their government's policies (internal and external) have been about promoting and looking after the interests of Big Business. Their agendas very cleverly merged the interests of Big Business with issues such as terrorism and some of them like George W Bush, used the ignorance of a large section of America's voters to openly promote their causes.

Barack Obama by contrast has no connection to Big Business and he comes with a clear and transparent agenda on how to fix the present economic crisis. His plans are thought out from a common man's point of of view and he has priorities very clearly laid out for his Presidency and America. His vision for America comes out of the greater dream of a fairer and more just America, which the voters embraced today. Barack recognizes like most Americans that dependence on foreign oil should be minimized to the maximum extent possible. It is his approach in dealing with this issue that sets him apart. Barack advocates the need to explore other forms of alternative energy such as solar, wind, ocean biofuels etc, while the Republican Candidate John McCain's options were to drill oil from offshore wells and explore Nuclear Energy which already serves (22% of America's Energy Needs). Though I must compliment McCain that he furiously discounted the option of drilling for oil in Alaska's Arctic Landscape , it wasn't effective enough to counter a much more powerful and evocative response from Barack.

While plaudits pour in from all over as the world hails America for electing it's first 'Black' or 'African American President', the element of race and ethnicity injected into the epithets for Barack, are not in the best of taste. He won singularly because of his powerful agenda, backed by brilliant oratorical skills and a superbly managed and funded campaign. Today is the victory of the True American Ethos that was defined hundreds of years ago as "Liberty, Life , Equality and Pursuit of Happiness". The world is belittling that win by adding terms like Black and African American. Barack is as American as it gets and he represents the new and changing America!

In the course of four years, History may be made, but for now, let America Rejoice for "Baracking" Obama into the White House!

PS: I have now changed the context in which the word "Barack" is used. Today people said they "Baracked" their votes and Barack means blessing. I am using it in a different context.

Why Rock On Is Memorable

I very eagerly await anything that has Farhan Akthar contributing in some way or the other. This one is a triple treat for the Farhan Akthar fan, he not only acts, he also croons and writes the dialogues as well. But despite all of that, does Rock On ROCK? It's certainly not landmark cinema, far from it, but it's got it's moments that will remain with you long after you've left the hall.

First of all, the movie has nothing to do with the rock genre of music or a 'Rock' Band and the chronicles of a Rock Band. It's much more about friendships than the struggles of cutting an album. It's very DCHesque and the languid pace of the film and the treatment makes it look like a major DCH hangover.

Aditya Shroff (Akthar) is a wedded to work zombie but highly successful investment banker making potloads of money for Jignes bhais and himself while banking on a booming India. His wife Sakshi (a charming Prachi Desai) is the kind that's only written about in fiction. Sakshi has oodles of patience, despite her husband being a 'stranger' to her in many ways. It's a beautiful character in that she stands by Aditya like a rock and the the kind of person she is you will know when she , organizies surprise birthday parties or throws a sumptuous dinner after a jamming session. A chance meeting with Kedar aka Killer Drummer aka KD (an extremely likeable and talented Purab Kohli) in his father's jewellery store sets of a chain of events that make up the movie. The movie keeps moving between the past and the present in the lives of the four band members who now live completetely different lives almost oblivious to each other ten years after an incident split the band. Joe Mascarenhas (played brilliantly by Arjun Rampal) is your idealist guitarist, who long after the band has split up now lives off his wife's hard work, pretty much doing nothing but reminiscing about the days of the band. He is the lead guitarist of the band and a perfect counterfoil to Akhtar's poetic Aditya. Rob (a nuanced Luke Kenny) is the only guy who continues to play his keyboard, but now for music directors such as Anu Malik. Anuji as he is known ,makes a cameo appearance as himself and even compliments Rob on being 'original'. Did he realize they were making a spoof on him? . Joe's wife Debbie (the performance of the film by Sahaha Goswami) runs the Mascheranhas household by running the family fish business. There's not much else to the story , but about how the Band reunites for what is their last concert together.

The music for all it's catchiness certainly does not befit a rock band. The songs would have sounded exactly the same or probably better even without the riffs and the drums that give it a rock like feel. Shankar -Ehssan-Loy try hard to give us a rock like experience, but succeed in giving us very hummable regular (non-rock) numbers in Socha Hai and Sindbad the Sailor. While Javedsaab, despite his credentials as a superb song writer fails to pull off poetry that fits into the rock genre. For all those who love the Floyds, the Sabbaths and the Doors or the Pearl Jams, a common thread running through their songs is that they are all dark. Rock numbers are by and large about the darker side of human nature and I am sorry to say that lyrics with "laundry Bills" and "unfinished novels" or "why the sky is blue" dont give it that edginess that's so essential in this genre. A contemporary rock number replete with brilliant lyrics is "Bandeh" by Indian Ocean. If any of the songs had something like that, it could have been different. Of the songs special mention must be made of "Sindbad the Sailor" , which is arguably the best song in the movie and has superbly written lyrics, again, not very rock-ish, but definitely better than laundry bills and sky is blue stuff. What director, Abhishek 'Gattu' Kapoor misses in detailing in most of the movie, he does brilliantly in one song that deserves special mention--Zehreelay. This is a song by one of the competing bands and it is complete with the most absurd lyrics about snakes and jungles and much more ridiculous stuff. It's also sung by a super wanna-be rock band whose only USP is noise. That's how most college bands are. Brilliant Gattu!! For this one masterstroke, I can forgive all your ignorance about Rock!

So What stays with you? Plenty. I haven't even come to the good parts yet. The final concert is filmed brilliantly by Jason West and performed magically by all the four band members. The seamless transition from "Tum Ho To" to "Sindbad the Sailor" and back to "Tum Ho To" and the camaraderie between the foursome, the entry of Arjun Rampal in the middle of the concert, all scripted so well , that it not only leaves a lump in your throat but also sends goosebumps down your spine. Pay particular attention to the last screenshot in black and white of all the four, hand in hand waving to the crowd. The penultimate scene, where Debbie requests Aditya to let go of Joe is so subtle yet so intense it blows you off. KD's outburst in the end blaming Aditya and Joe for all the band's ills and declaring he doesnt care who is going on stage but he will even if it means banging the drums all by himself for 20 minutes. This one scene captures the plight of KD and Rob, who though being a crucial part of the band suffer because of the ego hassles between Aditya and Joe. KD trying to hit on Sakshi's best friend (a classy Koel Purie) is another masterfully done scene.

I'll reserve the final for the best. In 2001, came this man with his explosive debut and it changed Bollywood forever. Farhan Akthar proves yet again , why he is so bloody good, when it comes to cinema. His acting is top notch , not once stealing focus from the rest of the actors but yet being the central character in the movie. The dialogues are succint and mint-fresh. And last of all , his voice--he pulls off some of the most difficult songs with aplomb and makes it look easy. Someone said his voice sounds like Chris Martin's? I would say to hell with that, Farhan you have a great distinctive voice and you can truly pull off a band of your own. And he is the true but understated star of this film. For this and many more, Rock On will remain etched in my memory for a long time to come.

A Tribute to my Grandfather

My grandfather, who I call Thata passed away on 22nd October, 2007 in the middle of the morning back in Bangalore, India and with that one of the most monumental influences of my early years left us for another world, we will never know. Below is a letter , that I wrote to him and I hope he'll read it some day.

Dear Thata,

I just want you to know, that for me, you have not passed away. It's just that your physical presence is missing and all that you are and everything you stood for will always remain with me for as long as it gets...

I want you to know that I still remember and cherish those moments , when I was a 5 year old brat and you would walk me to school and in your own patient way , somehow convince me to get into school telling me that, you will be back for me in 3 hours time to pick me up for lunch. I somehow reluctantly used to let go of your hands (at the gate) and make my way inside the school, waiting for the moment the bell rang for lunch so that I could run to you waiting outside school. You would then take me home for lunch and on the way you would tell me what grandmom had cooked for lunch. It would still be an uphill struggle for me to come back to school post-lunch and I can safely say that without you , I doubt I would have ever attended school.

I also remember the time, when back in 5th grade, I got off the school bus one evening and I was surprised to see you waiting for me at the bus stop. You took me to my favorite fruit juice center and later on the way home told me that my mother's mother had passed away and that my parents had rushed to New Delhi. I was quite shocked , but somehow the way you told me and patted me on my back experessing your condolences somehow absorbed all the shock that could have possibly been. I want to thank you for that moment and all other moments of strength

Years later you broke into tears, when news came of Kittu Thata's demise in a road accident and I went to hug you to tell him that everything would be fine. You looked at me and cried and said thank you and I still cant forget that moment. Thata, I want to tell you I was there for you in that time and I will always be there for you.

I could not visit you that often after I began to work because I moved out of Bangalore and whatever time I did visit, I was so proud of the fact that you were so fit despite your age and you would have put young men to shame. However, deep below I was sad at not being able to be there with you more often, and I still regret it to this day and there's nothing I can do about it now that you're gone but Thatha, please remember I'd like to make up for it someday when I meet you again. I also bought you a gift for your 90th Birthday much after it was over hoping to give it to you when I was in Bangalore and I hope you'll like it.

Thata, you were the best person I could have had around me while I grew up. You shielded me from all my fears (including crackers) and helped me develop my strengths and become a young man. You told me so many stories about India, our culture and our history that I can never forget and most importantly it's your inherent godlike compassion for other people, and your absolute honesty in everything that has left an indelible mark on my soul and If I even do a tenth of what you've done for the people around you, I'd consider myself lucky. I'd also like you to know that we are all there for Avva and you dont have to worry at all, she'll be absolutely fine with us and she'll wave to you everday letting you know she is doing allright.

Take care Thata, and we shall meet someday.

Your's Sincerely,

Choices.....

So its one of those usual Sundays where I am sitting around doing nothing, allegedly lost in in thought. It's one of those 'thoughts' that many people my age lose themselves in. Some people manage to find their way out of course ,while some unfortunate people lose their way and remain in an abyss of the mind's imagination forever. So where am I going really? Its a tricky question. Unlike Doug Adams' classic "Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy" that says the answer to the question "What is the meaning of life and all things in this Universe?" is 42 , my answers seem far more twisted and nebulous. This is the kind of question, everyone must ask themselves atleast once in their lives. No! Life is not meant to be a bed of roses , where all answers are laid out , the path ahead visibly clear (like a roadmap) and all that is left is for us to complete our walk through it. I always believed that the quest for these answers is what makes life beautiful. This question forces us to think, make choices, debate furiously, take the hardest decisions, break a few hearts and discover ourselves along the way. Its like the way someone put it ever so succintly "In the end...its the life in your years that counts and not the years in your life".

Why do we all reach such a stage? The answer is simple....It's always our mind and our thoughts that exert the maximum control on our actions. At some point in time, we do reach a stage due to circumstance where we ask ourselves questions. The answers are out there, but we take time in picking the so called right answer. This is entirely a function of the kind of person we are. There are no fixed answers to questions. The choices we make today, would definitely play a part in who we are tomorrow. But then as people keep insisting on making the 'right choices' , you never really know how right a choice is, unless you make it. Good or bad...consequences...it's still a learning experience. It still defines who the person is. If everyone everytime when confronted with situations, made all the so called 'right' choices at the same time, then the world wouldnt be as beautiful as it is today. We'd have a boring world, boring people, where everything was always right. A fundamental principle to this theory is that what's right for you..maybe wrong for the other person, or to put it in a far more lucid style, what works for one person may not work for the other.

I hope in the process of making and living by these choices , we discover ourselves

One day in life....

7 AM: Trrrrrring. Actually...beep beep beep (era of cellphones, no more clock alarms). Alarm goes off..I wake up eyes half open ,and in a reflex action ( hand must be doing it automatically now i guess) shut the alarm and goto sleep (It's still 7 AM...thats too early..)

8 AM: The sun's bright rays are on my face directly. They seem to be saying "Who do you think you are fighting against eh?". Finally, the brightness is unbearable,I open my eyes, fully for the first time in the morning and look at the time "oh...its 8...damn..why the hell do I have to get up"

8:30 AM: I force myself out of bed into the shower. Get hurridedly dressed, grab some crumbs of bread and leave. Gotta get to work by 9 :30. Along the way, glare (abuse them in the mind..silence is golden you see) at a few errant passers-by, as if they were responsible for me getting late.

9:35 AM: Approximately 10 traffic jams, 5 near-accidents , and an almost uncountable number of times of honking, I saunter into office, wondering what the day would be like.

9:45 AM: Check mail (official). We usually get spam mail in our official mail ids. If they arent spam, then they are usually some ridiculously boring ,recycled since the 1990s forwards (some people are in a time warp ). After reading the last of those forwards... it feels like I am done with all the official mail.

10:30 AM: Yawn...I feel so sleepy. There are a certain category of spam mails, that we have to reply to and they are from our bosses. 90% of the time, they are only information for you to learn from. A few times,however entails us to use our 'brains' and reply. This is part of the excellent 'interactive atmosphere between supervisors and other employees".

10:32 AM: Look for some pretty women to talk to on the official online chat messenger. Simultaneously, check personal mail. Now personal mail is again a list of forwards from some other time challenged people, and this time it is on your e-group. Number of e-groups you are a member of is directly proportional to the number of degrees you have. Now for some numbers

10: Number of forwards you recieve in a day(The number could increase if the total number of people who passed out with you in all your colleges subscribe to the egroup)

0: Number of mails you want to recieve from someone so badly, but you havent received.

5: The number of times I take 'official' coffee breaks.

15: No of chat windows open between morning and noon

13: No of people who havent bothered to reply to me.

1: Some guy I chat with everyday..about office jazz. Only he has bothered to reply.

Now back to the timeline for the day.

1 :00: The best part of the day, where we have lunch. Feast on everybody's lunch and at the end I begin to wonder if my stomach is really a bottomless pit?

1:30: Lunch festivities end..beginning of the apocalyptic afternoon siesta. ZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

2:30 Time for a coffee break. Been working to hard..so the weariness is showing. A coffee break would seem like a godsend at this time. Talk to a few team mates over coffee about how sucky things are...every one i meet is somehow frustrated with everything, but they end up working a lot. During this time, my boss also comes up and gets an 'update' of things. This update is just a way of him feeling sure that i am definitely gonna screw up. Hes just sorting out how many people will actually screw up, which will eventually screw him.

5:00 After pretending to do some work for the last two hours, waiting for the clock to strike five so that I can take my tie off. Its like a ritual, happens everyday.. same time ...not necessarily the same place..sometimes in the loo as well.

6:00 Remove all pretensions of work from my head, and now multiple chat windows are open and this time on other 'banned' chat messengers. Gotta catch up with friends from other places you see, its very important.

7:00 Think it's time to leave...after a gruelling day's work!! (DAMN..why the hell are we so loaded with work). One friend says Pub..the other says Coffee pub..while the two argue, I watch...and finally the 'hanging' out plan is cancelled either due to inclement weather or people just not feeling upto it. Huge relief, since no money spent...running short of money as well.

8:00 Saunter home...take off clothes and pick up the TV remote. I watch the same mundane channels...like news..music etc etc and complain about how monotonous life is. Some of the news channels are entertaining coz they show the funny side of George W Bush Jr...which is when he is himself..and that is all the time.

11:00 A hearty dinner..and a few smses and calls later....i crash...into a world of my own...wondering what the day like will be tomorrow?